EMDR Tip: You Don’t Have To Tell Me All Of The Details!

You don’t want to talk about it. You want to forget it all ever happened. You’ve pushed the memories into the back corners of your mind - and that seemed to work. For awhile. But it doesn’t work anymore. You saw something on social media that brought it back, and you can’t seem to stop those memories from bothering you. You know that it’s time to finally get help - but you don’t want to tell someone everything that happened. You don’t want to get into the details - you haven’t admitted them to yourself - let alone say them out loud!

IN EMDR THERAPY, YOU DON’T DESCRIBE DETAILS

So many of my clients come into my office with intense anxiety because they think they need to describe what happened with all of the specific details. When I explain to them that that is not the case, I can visibly see them relax. I can understand why people think this - in fact, there is a particular therapy that requires you to write out the event(s) in detail and read it aloud over and over again. This is not the case in EMDR therapy!

In EMDR Therapy, I don’t need all of the specifics. You’re not describing what happened (unless you want to) and you’re not telling me the story (unless you want to)! Some people actually want to tell me everything, some people don’t! Some people need a place to share their past and someone to be a witness of their pain. Other’s need a calming and strengthening person with them as they go through the healing process.

How DOES EMDR WORK IF I DON’T DESCRIBE EVERYTHING?

In our first couple of sessions, you and I are discussing your history, symptoms, current goals, etc. I always tell my clients that they don’t need to tell me any more than they feel ready to share. I’ll ask about the general nature of the trauma (or traumas), but I don’t want to open things up too much in the beginning!

When it comes to identifying events to address, you can share with me the amount you feel comfortable to share. Typically, I’ll want to know just enough to make sure we’re talking about the same event. I’ve had clients just label particular incidents with one word or phrase - and I can work with that!

Once we’ve decided which target we’re working on, we go through the assessment phase. Quickly recapping, I’ll ask you the identify an image that represents the worst part, a negative belief about yourself, a belief you’d like to replace that negative belief, what emotions you are feeling right now, how intense it is, and where you feel it in your body.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about - but do not actually insert your own traumatic material here, this is just for explanatory purposes.

Me: When you think about the memory at grandpa’s (here, we would have identified the target as “what happened at grandpa’s), what picture represents the worst part of it as you think about it now?

Client: The look on his face (or, if someone doesn’t feel comfortable telling me the image, I just make sure that they’ve got one).

Me: What negative belief comes up about yourself as you think about this memory?

Client: I’m disgusting

Me: What would you rather believe about yourself when thinking about this memory?

Client: I’m fine

Me: When you think of the memory, and the words, “I’m fine,” how true do those words feel to you now on a scale of 1 to 7, where 7 is absolutely true, and 1 is not true at all?

Client: 2

Me: When you think of the memory now and the words, “I’m disgusting,” what emotions do you get right now?

Client: I’m scared, sad, lonely

Me: Out of 10, how disturbing does this memory feel right now, with 10 being the most upset you could ever be, and 0 being neutral.

Client: 8

Me: Where do you feel all of this right now in your body?

Client: In my chest and my stomach

Me: Ok, notice the image of his face, the words “I’m disgusting,” notice the emotions your are feeling and where you feel all of this in your body. Let your mind go where it needs to go. I’m here with you.

At this point, I will have started the bilateral stimulation - which can be eye movements, tapping, etc. At different times, I’ll stop the bilateral stimulation and ask you, “what do you notice now?” All you need to do is give me one sentence. It can be, “I feel so angry,” or “I feel sick to my stomach.” See how you’re not describing the incident in detail? You’re just letting me know where you’re at in the process.

Obviously there’s more to the EMDR process than what I described above, but this is a snapshot to demonstrate that you don’t have to relive the entire experience again in EMDR therapy!

I hope this information gives you the reassurance and courage you need to help you move to the next step of healing. I invite you to review more of my blogs about EMDR therapy to help you gain a better understanding of how this PTSD treatment can help you!

If you think EMDR might be helpful for you, click here to book a free 15 minute video consultation for online EMDR Therapy and PTSD treatment in California.

Online EMDR Therapy and Trauma Counseling in California and Carlsbad, CA.