Understanding EMDR Phase Four: Desensitization

You know there are some things from your past that you need to address - you’ve just been avoiding it.  You’ve been keeping all of the feelings at bay until now.  You can’t put it off any longer - but you’re anxious.  Anxious that you won’t be able to handle it, that you’ll fall apart and that treatment won’t even work.  But most of all, you want to know what you’re getting yourself into and no one has been able to explain EMDR very well.  Hopefully I can help you!

When people ask me about EMDR, this is the part of EMDR that they most want to learn about.  Most people don’t realize that EMDR has 8 phases, and the first three phases are important to set you up for success in Phase 4: Desensitization.

I recommend you review my blogs for Phase 1, Phase 2 and Phase 3 as they all build upon each other.

Don’t Try EMDR At Home

Sometimes people can feel tempted to try some EMDR on their own. I don’t recommend this. I plead with you not to do this! You’ll want a seasoned EMDR therapist with you during this process to ensure your progress and safety!

Some EMDR Background

It’s important to talk about trauma memory storage when reviewing this phase.  When a trauma happens, your body often releases stress hormones that heighten the intensity of the experience.  Along with this, your brain struggles with what to make of the incident.  Instead of going through the natural process of memory consolidation (which most often happens during REM sleep), your brain holds onto the memory as though it just happened to you.  This means that 10 days or 10 years later, this memory can be triggered and you can feel the same emotions, physical sensations etc. as when it happened the first time.  

EMDR’s Adaptive Information Processing Model suggests that your brain already knows how to process the memory and put it “where it goes” (which is in the past) - it just got stuck on this memory because it didn’t know what to do with it.  In EMDR, we reactivate the memory (Phase 3:  Assessment) and then create the environment for your brain to re-process the memory.  Once the memory is reprocessed, then the memory has very little energy or disturbance left - and in many cases, people report feeling a sense of acceptance or neutrality.

Most people look at me like I’m selling them snake oil when I say this - but I’ve been processing horrific memories with people for a few years now.  They often tell me that it feels like the incident happened to someone else and that they feel “light.”  So how do you get that feeling of freedom?  How do you get there?

Step by Step EMDR Desensitization

Here’s the process. Once we’ve reactivated the memory, I will ask you to “just notice” the memory and I will start the bilateral stimulation (BLS) that allows you to be in the present moment with me, while you are reviewing the memory from the past. All you need to do is let whatever happen, happen!

I tell my clients to let their mind go wherever it wants (people diagnosed with ADD/ADHD love that!).  At some point, I stop the BLS and instruct you to take a breath and I ask, “What comes up now?”  All you need to do is give me a few words or maybe a sentence.  (This is because most of the healing happens while you are reviewing the memory with the BLS).  You don’t need to give specifics - only something simple, like “I’m angry” or “I feel tightness in my chest.”  Some people will tell me where they are at in the memory, or a realization they’ve had.  I’ll usually say something like “go with that,” or “notice that,” and continue the BLS. Then, I’ll stop you again a little later and ask you what you notice now - and the process continues.

At some point, your mind will either wander to something non-related or nothing will come up.  That’s OK!  Don’t make anything up at this point.  Just let me know that you’re thinking about tacos tonight (or whatever).  That’s important information for me and it lets me know where we are in the process.

Eventually, when we bring up the memory, it will feel different.  It will have substantially less energy.  Most of my clients end with a sense relief - and with that, excitement.  Many say they feel their burden has been lifted and they had no idea how heavy it was until it was gone.  

The beauty of this, is that you aren’t recounting the incident in detail (unless you feel like you need to - most people don’t). And if something comes up that you feel embarrassed to say out loud - just say “I don’t want to say.” I’ll respect that and we’ll keep going. If you feel stuck, tell me - I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve to help. You can’t do anything wrong in this process!

How long does EMDR Take?

Every client is different, and each memory for each client is different!  That being said, most of my clients finish a memory within 2-3 sessions (my sessions are 50 minutes long). If the memory is similar to other traumatic memories, it may take longer.  A rule of thumb is that a target memory can take up to seven sessions to process.  I’ve had a handful of target memories take that long - and it was in situations where there was a lot of stuff to untangle - but that is the exception rather than the rule.

After this phase, most people feel so good that they think we’re done with this memory.  We’re not!  If you stopped here, you’d miss out on my favorite phase, installation, which is what I call the “feel good” phase.  In this phase we focus on strengthening a positive belief about yourself (such as “I’m enough”) - and most people end that phase feeling even more strong and motivated.

So that’s it, that’s the main part of EMDR that people are nervous about. It doesn’t seem that bad right?

If you are ready to take the plunge, click here to book a free 15 minute video consultation for EMDR Therapy and PTSD treatment in California.

Online EMDR Therapy and Trauma Counseling in California and Carlsbad, CA.