Why I Changed My Mind About EMDR Therapy

I used to be SO skeptical about EMDR Therapy.  When people would rave about it, I would inwardly cringe.  People would talk about traumas being “resolved,” and in my experience, that just seemed too good to be true.  So I held onto my preconceived notions for a number of years. 

At the same time, I didn’t feel entirely effective as a psychologist when I was treating clients with trauma.  I was helping, but not as much as I’d like.  I was using other forms of evidence based therapies but I didn’t like that we weren’t addressing the actual trauma that was creating suffering.

Eventually, I decided to give EMDR a try.  The company I was working for at the time offered me the opportunity to get trained - so I took it!  I decided if I was going to invest the time and energy (and the company’s money), that I would give it an honest shot.  So, being the nerd that I am, I read both of the textbooks and went into the training with an open mind.  

At some point during the training, we all needed to practice EMDR - and so all of us trainees practiced on each other.  I decided that if I was really going to see if this whole EMDR thing worked, then I’d go big.  So I brought up the most devastating moment in my life - the day my father died suddenly and without explanation when I was 16 years old.

For many years, I’d have intrusive memories and flashbacks

-My sister waking me up in the early hours, telling me that something was wrong with dad and we needed to go to the hospital NOW.

-My oldest brother driving 75 miles an hour in the thick Fresno fog down Herndon Avenue - while I’m praying in the backseat that if dad lives, I’ll be perfect.

-Our family walking in on medical staff administering CPR on dad - and a confused nurse ushering us out - saying, “who let you back here?”

-My sister, trying desperately to get someone to tell us what was going on.

-The doctor (who happened to be my dad’s dear friend), coming into the waiting room and shaking his head - and my Nana, who is sitting next to me, saying, “shit,” and bursting into tears.

-My mom, the moment hope gives away and she realizes her best friend is gone.

-Seeing dad’s dead body. He has a tube down his throat and some orange stuff on his face.  I remember looking at the calendar on the wall so I would know the day everything changed forever: January 11th.

With EMDR Therapy, I felt Acceptance and Relief

The EMDR trainee fumbled through the standard protocol and I’m re-processing the night it all happened.  I go through a range of emotions, from sadness, hopelessness, despair, anxiety - to a sense of acceptance.  And with that - relief.  It was such a strong change, that I thought, “well if that’s what it’s like doing this with someone who is still learning, what’s it like doing this with someone who is a pro?”  I went on to do more EMDR therapy and it changed my life (thanks Laura!).

I’ve had a few years to really see the changes.  I used to really dread Father’s Day, his birthday and the anniversary of his death.  I’d be sensitive and emotional for about 10 days before those days and then a few days afterward.  I’d feel jealous of people who had both of their parents alive.  I felt bitter and short changed.  Important milestones (like High School Graduation, defending my dissertation) had a backdrop of pain.  My heart always felt like it was broken to some degree.

Now, I’m ok on those days.  Do I miss him?  Of course!  But mostly I remember the good times, rather than the pain that he’s gone.  I carry acceptance and peace in my heart.  On my wedding day, my husband and I walked down the aisle together - and I held dad in my heart, knowing that he would be happy that I was happy.

Online EMDR Therapy in Carlsbad

Remember how I used to be anti-EMDR?  Well now it’s the primary modality I use.  I had to really re-think my theoretical orientation - and I’m grateful I have.

People ask me all the time, “how can you hear that stuff all day long?”  I can do it because in the end, people feel better. They leave feeling light and strong.  Rather than feeling shame about their past, they see how they are stronger because of it and move forward with a sense of excitement and hope. 

Are there times when EMDR therapy is emotional?  Definitely.  But in the end, it’s all worth it - because the past is in the past and it doesn’t have to hurt you anymore.

If you are ready to put the past in the past, click here to book a free 15 minute video consultation for online EMDR Therapy and PTSD treatment in California.

Online EMDR Therapy and Trauma Counseling in California and Carlsbad, CA.