What Do I Ask In A Free Psychotherapy Consultation?

So you’ve looked on Psychology Today for counseling and you see pages and pages of psychotherapists to choose from.  Picking up the phone and calling one of them just feels paralyzing. What do you even ask these people??

I know it can be tempting to ask questions about availability, fees, degrees, licenses and certificates.  While those are important, it is vital that you click with your therapist.  So yes, the price might be right for you, but if you don’t find a psychologist that specializes in what you need, you may be prolonging your healing and ultimately spending more in finances AND pain.  Unfortunately I’ve had experiences of undoing damage (by well-meaning therapists) before some of my clients could move on to healing.     

When you first call a potential counselor, notice if they take charge initially or let you take the lead.  Notice what style they take and if it’s what you like. At some point you will be asked to describe your current reason for seeking treatment.  Usually there’s a “straw that broke the camel’s back,” even if you’ve been struggling with your problem for years.   

Questions To Ask A Psychotherapist

After you describe your situation, you can ask the following questions:

1. If we were to work together, where would we start?

2. What is your style of treating clients?

3. What are your specialties?

4. What types of clients do you work well with?

5. What types of clients aren’t a good fit for you?

These questions are a great start and you’ll get a good idea if this person is a match for you.  I also recommend you pay attention to the questions they ask you! Here are some questions that I like to ask prospective clients:

1. What are your treatment goals?  (For example, this can be “less anxiety,”  “I need help with grief,” or “I don’t want to have these nightmares anymore.”)

2. How will you know that we have met your goals? (Such as, “I can think about ______ and not feel anxious/angry/scared/frozen.)

3. What have you tried before? (This can be, “I saw a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist,” or “I tried EMDR Therapy.”)

4. What has worked for you in the past? (For example, “Paced breathing is really helpful for me.” Here I want to know if you have been taught coping skills and which ones were helpful.)

5. What has NOT worked for you in the past? (Such as, “I really don’t like meditation.” Here, I want to know where NOT to go, I want our treatment to be focused on getting you better, faster.)

10 Red Flags To Look Out For In Your Counselor

I also think it’s important to let you know some red flags when it comes to finding a counselor.  You may not notice these initially and sometimes these can show up weeks into treatment. But please be on the lookout for the following signs that your counselor is not behaving in the most professional manner:

1. Your counselor does not discuss limits of confidentiality when you first meet (and throughout treatment as appropriate).

2. Your counselor does not review informed consent documentation in your first official session - highlighting the benefits and risks of treatment.

3. Your counselor does not take notes or does not seem to remember what you discussed in your last session.

4. Your counselor does not seem to remember your goals for treatment and/or does not check in with you on your progress toward those goals.

5. Your counselor shares personal information with you that does not directly apply or benefit your treatment in some way.

6. The sessions with your counselor seem to be more focused on them and their problems than on you and your treatment.

7. Your counselor spends time with you outside of your sessions.

8. Your counselor flirts with you or engages in any form of romantic relationship with you.

9. Your counselor ends your therapeutic relationship in order to begin a personal relationship with you.

10. You and your counselor know each other personally BEFORE beginning a counseling relationship (there are very particular circumstances where this may be acceptable - but more often than not - it is not appropriate).

While no psychologist is perfect, if you find that she or he is violating your boundaries, they may be harming you. When a psychologist hears from a client that they have engaged in a romantic relationship with a prior therapist, the California Board of Psychology requires that we give our client a booklet called “Therapy Never Includes Sexual Behavior.” You can find more information here. Fortunately most psychotherapists do not engage in such behavior and are actually doing wonderful work with their clients. This information should help you along your way to finding the best counselor for your needs.

I hope this helps you find the right counselor.  If you need a little more direction, click here for a free 15 minute video consultation.

Online EMDR Therapy and Trauma Counseling in California and Carlsbad, CA.